Detention Professor Snape Style
by The Tenth Doctor's Companion
Summary: The gang get detention from Severus' older brother while he's in a bad mood. Does he go easy on them? Hell no. The gang find theselves wishing for Severus' company. Severus is, of course, finding this all a little too funny for the gangs liking... EDITED!
1. Tails, Whiskers, Hexes and Pigtails

I'd like to say, first of all, don't blame me if you get strange images in your head after reading this fic. I wrote this as I have writers block and this idea came to me. I'd advise you not to read unless you've read my other fics because it won't make any sense.

Title: Detention, Professor Snape Style.

Author: Jade

Rating: R to be on the safe side

Archive: Yes, please

Summary: The gang get detention from Severus' older brother. Does he go easy on them? Hell no. The gang find theselves wishing for Severus' company.

Author's Note: Some of the characters are from 'The New Arrival' and 'Dreams' and it explains what happened in the potion's lab during that detention. Also some mentions of characters from the fic 'Snape's Brothers' so be warned. This is set during that fic. Set in Harry's Sixth is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent. I forgot to add that Ginny has been moved up to the sixth year because she's doing well in all her exams. "/FB/" means flashback. I see Alan as the type of guy that doesn't take any crap from anyone and he's using his birth name here because Albus had insisted.

Chapter 1

"Detention, me tonight at eight o clock sharp...or else..,"Alan's voice rang out, sounding exactly like his younger brother Professor Severus Snape. Harry had tried to curse Draco Malfoy's hair into purple polka dots, after Draco had insulted him, but had accidently gave him two blond pigtails, complete with pink bows. Unfortunately Alan had seen this and, although he found it funny, even in his bad mood, didn't want to be known as a softy, sighed and reversed the charm with a well placed counter-curse. Alan had taken over the job as muggle studies teacher because Professor Tiscali had retired. Even though he had changed his surname, Albus had insisted that he be called by his birth name, thus earning himself the nickname, 'Snape Mark 2'.

Harry had poked his tongue out at Alan's back and muttered to his two friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley,"I don't believe it. He's supposed to be on my side... I think all this power is going to his head."

"Well honestly Harry, thinking you could get away with it in front of him."Hermione muttered, not wanting to incur Alan's wrath." How bad can it be? It's not as if it's with his younger brother?"

"Don't forget he's in a bad mood." Ron and Hermione nodded.

"Weasley, Granger, Do you want detention too? My office, eight sharp."Alan snarled, his black tail swishing, Hermione and Ron watched his tail swish back and forth. seemingly hypnotised. Alan snapped his fingers. "Are you even listening to me?"

"/FB/"

Alan was in a very bad mood because two of his younger brothers, not including Severus, had played a joke on Alan. Steven had given Alan cat ears, fangs, a tail and whiskers but he couldn't see it unless he looked in the mirror as he has discovered when he had seen it that morning but as he was half asleep he thought he was dreaming because when he looked again his face was back to normal. Shaun on the other hand had cursed him so his robes were see-through and they could see his underwear and this curse he could see, even without the mirror. The whole hall were treated to the rare sight of Alan storming into the hall wearing, to their eyes, only a blue tank top and white boxers with hearts on had planted himself in front of Steven and Shaun and had yelled at them, using language that would make Voldermort blush. Steven had, of course, neglected to tell him about the cat ears were back and his tail was swishing as he ate his breakfast ignoring anyone who looked his way and, as soon as he had finished, swept out in a manner, that would make Severus proud.

"/End FB/"

"Potter, Granger and Weasley all in detention. Isn't that sweet?"Draco drawled. "Maybe you two could teach your Mudblood slut on how to behave..."

Harry and Ron had drawn their wands but before they could hex Draco, Alan had stepped in between them and fired off a couple of particularly nasty hexes which makes Draco's hair really tatty, bright pink with green polka dots and his skin bright purple. "Don't call her that...Detention Mr Malfoy for being rude to a fellow student...Eight sharp TONIGHT!" Alan hissed, baring his fangs, making Draco shrink back and turned to Harry,who was smirking despite himself. "That was the curse that Steven flung at Severus in his forth year, although it was for a different reason. Don't, however think you're let off detention though...." Alan smirked,forcibly reminding Harry just who his brother was, and he muttered,"I should've put those two into detention though..."

"Aren't you going to reverse this.."Draco wailed, indicating himself.

"No, I think I'll leave you like that...It wears off in about a week..."

"A WEEK!"

Ron leaned towards Harry and Hermione,"I think he's going to be a whole lot worse than Snape Mark 1..."

TBC

(A/N: Will there be any spoon operations? What will Alan make them do in detention? Will Alan get his revenge on his brothers?) Read and review.


	2. Neon Green Bubbles And Other Pranks

Chapter 2

Alan sighed as his state of dress, or case of undress as the case was, was distracting the students. For example Ginny Weasley was staring into space, with a smirk on her face. Alan shuddered as he wondered what she was thinking. "Miss Weasley, PAY ATTENTION!"

Ginny snapped out of her trance and looked interested in what he was telling the class.

Alan smirked as he looked at Draco Malfoy, who was bearing the after-effects of the curses he sent his way. Before he could say anything else, the bell rang, everyone was glad to get out of there for once and get some dinner.

Harry sat down heavily next to Ron and help himself to chicken and potatoes. "I can't believe I got detention.."

"'Ell 'e 'ot it 'oo 'long 'iv 'erret 'ace." Ron said through a mouthful of swallowed. "Even though he was in a bad mood, he's great."

"That was so cool." Neville leaned over to mutter.

"Yeah, Malfoy didn't know what hit him," Dean chipped in.

"Wonder if he'll teach me that one," Seamus said, laughing.

"What other curses do you think he has up his sleves?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, next time Malfoy insults my family...." Ginny muttered.

"He's supposed to teach us about muggles, not new curses...That one isn't in the standard book of spells." Hermione said sternly.

"Hermione, will you lighten up? You're muggle born, you know all about muggles." Ron stated. "Wonder who we could ask..."

Ron was interupted by Steven and Shaun Snape plonking themselves down,looking mischievious. "That was so cool." Steven muttered to his brother.

"Sirius won't know what hit him." Shaun agreed.

"What did you do?"Hermione asked sternly.

"I'm afraid to know the answer." Harry was curious but he wondered what they could've done to his godfather. Since those two had arrived they had been playing pranks on everyone. They had dyed Dumbledore's beard bright orange, hair dyeing seemed to be their speciality, scared Mrs Norris into thinking she was a giant turnip, how they did that, Harry didn't really want to know, made Remus' coffee taste like strawberry bubblegum, and that was just for starters. They had quite the reputation as pranksters but, seeing as they hung around with the Marauders when they were in school, that fact came to no surprise to Harry.

"Is it true that our dear brother gave Malfoy a hairstyle he won't forget?" Steven asked, smirking in a Snape like way when Malfoy slinked in and scuttled to the Slytherin table, where he was comforted by a crying Pansy, amid roars of laughter from the other tables. "Wow, he really got him good... That, my friends, is why you should never piss off Alan. What did Malfoy do anyway?"

"He called Hermione a mudblood." Ginny stated.

"HE DID?" Steven and Shaun gasped.

"Oh no wonder..." Steven muttered.

"He hates that word." Shaun explained, seeing the others puzzled faces.

"Ok I'll bite, what did you do?" Harry asked.

"Well if you must know... We put a bubble blowing potion in Sirius' drink...."

"And when he opens his mouth... Blub!Blub!" Steven finished, miming Sirius blowing bubbles and the others couldn't help themselves, they burst out laughing when, just then, Sirius opened his mouth to say somthing and he blew three neon green bubbles which hovered above his head. He quickly shut his mouth with a snap and ignored the laughter around him.

Severus smirked and said to Remus, who came to sit down next to him. "Trust those two..."

Remus grinned at Sirius, "Sorry, Padfoot, but you've got to admit that they got you good." Sirius nodded and turned to Severus, "Don't you mean three? Look at Mr Malfoy," Severus looked over and saw Draco's face and hair, "I heard from Sirius, before the bubbles, that Alan did that to him. He gave Ron, Hermione and Harry detention along with Malfoy of course."

"What did Mr Malfoy do to upset Alan so much? That's the question." Severus wondered. "Why did they get detention?"

"You can ask him, here he comes..."

Alan came and sat down, on the other side of Severus, "Hi guys and girls, so what do you think of Malfoy's new look?" He seemed to be in a better mood, even with the tail, ears, fangs, whiskers and see-through robes. As soon as he sat down he was aware of all the teachers' eyes on him.

"What did he do?"

"He called Hermione a mudblood."Alan answered.

The other teachers gasped and a furious tirade burst out at those words.

"How dare he?"

"Insolent little brat..."

Alan looked at Dumbledore and was pleased to see that Albus' eyes were twinkling. "Nice makeover. How long does it last?"

"A week." Alan replied and was pleased to see the staff chuckle at that.

"Well he deserved it." Remus muttered.

"I would've done more than that to him." Sirius growled, between bubbles.

Alan raised an eyebrow. "Oh those two got you too..." Indicating his see-through robes, he added. "I hope this wears off soon.I'm sick of everyone seeing my underwear..."

"That's not all you have..." Remus muttered,as he turned to speak to Sirius, laughing when bubbles kept coming out of Sirius' mouth.

"What does he mean by that?" Alan asked, totally puzzled.

"You mean you don't know?" Severus shook his head. "Nevermind... I hear you gave the 'Golden Trio' detention. I trust you're not going to go easy on them, seeing as you were a Gryffindor yourself."

"Me? Go easy? Nah... I'll give 'em the old Alan special... You remember that, don't you Sev? I gave it to you once or twice." Alan asked.

Severus shudddered as he remembered that punishment too well. "Of course I do. I was stiff for hours. You should've been a Slytherin."

"Thank god. You think I'll be soft? The GT's won't know what hit them."

"GT's?" Severus asked.

"Golden Trio." Alan looked at his watch. "Time for the lambs to come to the slaughter." Alan said, with and evil smirk and left, leaving a worried potions master behind.

"You really shouldn't get into your characters like this, Alan...It could backfire." Severus muttered.

TBC


	3. Marigolds, Domestos and Toilet Brushes

Chapter 3

Eight o'clock came too suddenly for the gang's liking. Severus made it worse by muttering, when they passed him to go down to Alan's classroom, "Don't worry Potter, I'm sure Alan will make it easy for you...." He snorted, "Like hell, he wasn't easy on me so I seriously doubt that he'll be easy on you...." He broke off, smirking, as Harry, Ron and Hermione looked worried. "Don't worry, you'll probably be a bit stiff in the morning." He turned and walked away, his cloak billowing behind him.

"What did he mean, Harry? What does he know?" Hermione asked.

"I'm sure it's all he can't be as bad as his brother."

A voice behind them made them jump, "I wouldn't be too sure about that Potter." The trio turned and saw Malfoy behind them. The trio glared at Malfoy all the way to the office. Harry then knocked on the door.

A voice from inside yelled, "Come in." They opened the door and were treated to a strange sight, which made their jaws drop. Alan had swapped his see-through robes for a dark green t-shirt, faded jeans and black shoes (He still had the cat features though). He looked at them all, "What?Follow me." He picked up a bucket and some sponges and walked out the door. The four students followed him to 'Moaning Myrtle's' bathroom. They entered the bathroom, after a lot of complaints from Draco.

Myrtle was sitting on the cistern and her eyes lit up when she saw Harry, "Hello Harry," she said shyly. Her eyes then alighted on Ron, Draco, Hermione and Alan, "Oh hi Ron, Hermione, Professor and, uh, who are you?"

"Draco Malfoy."

"I've heard about you... You're the one with the crush on Harry...." Myrtle broke off, as the other three stared at Draco, with wide eyes. "Well that's what I heard..."

"What? Ferret Face has a crush on Harry?" Ron managed to blurt out. "Who told you that?"

"Max did." Myrtle said floated off down the toilet,spraying water everywhere.

"Well guys, here's your detention, you have to clean this bathroom, only using muggle cleaning fluids and NO magic." Alan ordered, handing out all the cleaning stuff, along with bright pink Marigolds (Marigolds are rubber gloves in case you're wondering).

"This is servant's stuff." Draco whined, looking at the toilet brush Alan had thrust into his hands.

"I'm no good at muggle cleaning." Ron groaned, staring mournfully at the 'Flash All Purpose' Spray in his hands.

"Oh goodie! I love cleaning... Hand me the Domestos and I'll be happy." Hermione said brightly, ignoring the incredulous looks from the other four people. "What?I just love cleaning."

Alan leaned over to Harry and muttered, "Mental that one." Harry gave him a look."What?This is supposed to be a punishment,after all. Can't have you enjoying it." he added with a smirk. 'Now, how shall I make it even worse for them?" He thought for a moment, then grinned as an evil plan formed in his mind.

TBC

(A/N: Will there be any spoon operations? What is Alan's evil plan to make it worse? Will Alan get his revenge on his brothers?) Read and review or I'll cut your heart out with a spoon.


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